Someone once told me that I was too independent, too locked into my own world to pay attention to others around me. I strongly believe that this was a defense mechanism that I had undertaken to protect myself from getting hurt- again. Now that I am older, I consider myself a strong ambivert, mostly introverted but needing people around me all the same. It really depends on my mood and the situation. Am I happy to spend time with myself? Oh yes! This is actually something that keeps me sane. However, I know that creating relationships at work is important to the overall success of a career.
I will be the first to admit that when walking down a hallway and someone at work is coming towards me, I will either pretend to look at something on my phone or enter another room so as to not have to pass them. Should I smile and make up small talk or just smile? No, that’s awkward. Should I just stare down at the floor and say hi at the last minute? Maybe that’s rude and juvenile. These thoughts, seeming ludicrous as I type them, are going through my mind time and time again at work. Contradictorily, I teach junior high for a living and can talk up a storm when I am lecturing during my lessons. So why the awkwardness?
I just don’t have much to say to the adults around me sometimes. That’s the introvert coming out and that’s ok in my books. Nevertheless, I feel somewhat of an outsider in the workplace, observing others having seemingly deep conversations that my extraverted side wants in on. This constant tug of emotions when it comes to relationships with colleagues is exhausting and frankly, quite annoying. Why can’t I just be myself and go with the flow? Sometimes I can. Other times, I could be that ostriche and stick my head into the ground to avoid the uneasiness. This is one of the interior battlegrounds that less social people face on a daily basis and unfortunately, if not dealt with, can possibly affect working relationships to the point where someone else will get the promotion or be chosen to do a certain project that would’ve been perfectly up the introvert’s alley. In spite of those more serious consequences, sometimes it’s just about ‘fitting in’ as my adult introverted son once told me. It’s an important life-skill.
Here a few strategies that I have developed to get me through my day at work as an introverted person:
- Avoid the dreaded distance: Don’t look at the person coming down the hallway until you are close enough to say hello without the awkwardness seeping in . There is nothing worse than staring at that person with a fake smile on your face for over 10 seconds. Just look through your purse, phone or pretend that you didn’t see them until the apprehensive time has passed.
- Plan your conversation: Think ahead of time about something that you could mention to a person you think you may encounter that day. It sounds weird but trust me, this works for me and takes away the anxiety of not knowing what to say.
- Be honest with people: I find that if I am honest with how I actually am feeling that day, people respond better, seem more at ease with me and this may stimulate an authentic, stress free two-way conversation.
- Choose your people: I have a tendency to stick to my best buds at my work, however in order to stay connected to all of the staff, I make a point of going to speak to someone whom I consider a little outside of my bubble, every day. It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation but to show interest in your colleague’s life reminds them that you enjoy their company, that you are a good person and it allows you to feel more at ease when crossing these people in that dreaded, endless hallway.
- Be professional: I once was told that I was too professional because I didn’t get involved in office gossip. I don’t think this is a bad thing. However, gossiping and being truly concerned for another colleague and talking about their well being is different in my books. It’s ok to let yourself become part of those deeper conversations that even an introvert longs for sometimes. Just keep it professional. It’s an opportunity for you to offer to help that individual if they need it and can further develop a working relationship, just a bit on a deeper level.